Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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