Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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