my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
