If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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