I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
