My pussy is not your playground.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
