Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
