I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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