just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
