I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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