I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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