im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
