shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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