The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
