let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
