trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
