He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
