there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
