I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
