Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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