now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
