I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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