Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
