The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
