overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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