we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
