I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
