if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
