I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
