Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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