Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
