When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
