I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
