We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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