btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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