1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
