You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
