Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Randomize
