I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
