you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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