i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
