I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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