I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
