in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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