she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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