I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
