you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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