hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
