There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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