I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
