My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
