in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
