so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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