sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
