If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
