i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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