I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My ass is underappreciated
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
