I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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