I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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