I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
