and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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