I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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